One of my favorite things about being a parent is the times when I can listen to my children talk out a problem. I guess it’s the teacher in me that loves to hear exactly how a child fits a newly learned item into his understanding of the world, or just that I love puzzles of all kinds myself, but when I can hear my children talking as they try to figure out the answer to a question, I find the whole conversation to be quite intriguing. And many times, it’s also quite funny.
I read somewhere that children start to identify as a particular sex sometime between two and three years of age. That sounds about right to me because during the last couple of weeks I have overheard conversations or been directly quizzed about the differences between boys and girls. To wit:
I was in the bathroom enjoying a rare moment of daytime solitude when suddenly my daydreaming was interrupted by the invasion of a small indignant boy…
Kieran: “Why, Mommy? Why you lock me out of da bathwoom? You my best fwiend in da whole wide world!”
Me: “I didn’t lock you out, kiddo. You opened the door and ran in.”
Kieran: “Oh.”
He stared at me for a moment with a concerned look on his face.
Kiri: “Mommy!”
Me: “Yes?”
Kiri: “You poop?”
I shook my head.
Kiri: “You pee?”
I nodded my head.
Kieran: “Mommy, stand up! People stand up when dey pee!”
I laughed.
Me: “Only boys stand up to pee, Kiri. Girls have to sit down.”
Kiri: “Oh, no, Mommy, this is easy-peasy. You jus’ stand up and point your P@^#% into the potty!”
Me: “Girls don’t have p@^#%es, kiddo. We can’t stand up to pee.”
Kieran’s eyes got big.
Kieran: “Weally, Mommy?”
Me: “Yes, really. It’s true.”
Kieran: “But Casey has a p@^#%. And he be a dog! So you have one, too, Mommy?”
Me: “Well, yes, he does. He’s a boy dog. I’m a girl.”
Kieran (with big eyes, whispering): “Girl dogs no p@^#%es, either?”
Me: “That’s right. Only boy dogs have them.”
Kieran looked quite shocked for a moment, and then turned to leave.
Kieran: “No time to talk now, Mommy. Me got to go. Bye!”
Me: “Where are you going in such a hurry!”
Kieran: “Me have to tell Liam about boys and girls and p@^#%es. He’s in Kindergarten and he NEEDS to know this!”
And as quickly as he arrived, he was gone.
********
We were putting shoes on to go out on a playdate at my friend L’s house. L has three children-E, a 3.5 year old girl, A, a two old boy, and S, a 14 year old ninth-grader..
Kieran: “Tell me, Mommy, what was da baby’s name?”
Me: “His name is A.”
Kieran (smiling): ” Oh, yes! And da other one?”
Me: “Her name is E!”
Kieran: “Right! She be just like me!….But….no…she be girl…so she no p@^#%, right, Mommy?”
Me: “Right. She has no p@^#%, and she’s two years older than you.”
Kieran: “Oh, no, Mommy, me baby! So me like A?”
Me: “Well, yes, A is a boy and he’s a bit younger than you.”
Kieran: “And da other mommy? Her name?”
Me: “Her name is S, but she’s not a mommy. She’s a really big kid.”
Kieran stared at the wall for a minute, trying to reconcile everything he’d just heard,
Kieran: “No way! She too big for kid. She be another mommy! Where be her baby?”
Me: “Well, sweetie, she has no baby. She’s a big kid, too young to have a baby.”
Kieran: “You joke me? You not funny!”
He resumed staring at the wall, blinking in concentration.
Liam: “Mommy, I think Kieran is just confused.”
Kieran whipped around to yell at his big brother, who had unwittingly just taken him over the edge of sanity…
Kieran (crying): “No, Mommy! Me not confused! Me Kieran! Not confused! Me baby, me boy, me Kieran! ME!”
Liam: “It’s hard to be two, isn’t it, Kieran?
I remember this stage from when Liam went through it. It’s better this time because not only do I have have living proof that Kiri will eventually figure these big questions out for himself, but Kiri has an amazing big brother right there beside him to help.
