Come, Mommy

As promised, a compilation of witty observations and comments from the Menagerie House Boys!

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My Friend: “My memory has definitely gotten worse since I became a mom.”

Me: “Yup, definitely. I’m pretty sure I forgot to make lunch for Liam one day last week, but I’m not positive. Some days I feel like my brain is made of cheese.”

Liam (looking alarmed): “Mommy, you mean Swiss cheese? The kind with the big holes?”

Oh, right – the holes! That would explain my problem.

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Liam was climbing from the kitchen counters to a high cabinet in an attempt to reach some crackers. Thinking that this was not safe, I offered to help.

Me: “Wait, kiddo. Let me reach those for you. I’ll have them in just a …”

The crackers were inches out of my reach.

Liam: “Or not.”

I jumped a couple of times, trying to reach the box at the top of my jump. That didn’t work. In rushed Kiri.

Kiri (tapping a thoughtful forefinger against his temple): “Ah know, Ah know!!!”

And off he ran, returning a few seconds later with a six-inch tall ladder from a toy fire engine. He triumphantly handed it over to me.

Kiri: “Hey! Mommy! See? SEE? Me save da day! Yay! Yay! YAAAAAAYYYYY!”

Three cheers for Kiri! (The lesson on spacial relations will wait for a long time, so we can enjoy the cuteness of toddlerhood.)

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Liam: “How do you know when you’re a grown-up?”

Me: “Well, it doesn’t really happen all at once. But most people say when you are eighteen you are an adult.”

Liam: “You mean you are allowed to live alone when you’re eighteen?”

Me (teasing): “Well, amongst other things, yes.  Are you anxious to move out to your own place?”

Liam (truly alarmed): “Oh, no! Not me! I’m never moving out. I’m staying here forever!”

Me: “Don’t you think you might want to get married and have children sometime?”

Liam: “Well….well…well…I know! I’ll marry you, Mommy! Then I can stay here forever! And you always say Kiri is all our baby, so we can raise him together. It’s perfect!”

Me (trying unsuccessfully not to laugh): “But what about Daddy?”

Liam: “Well, he can stay here too. That way when you and I want to play together and not have Kiri mess things up, we can get Daddy to watch him. And he still needs to go to work anyway, because we will always need money. Right!??!”

I am so sorry you are stuck playing second fiddle to your wife, Kev!

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I was fixing a snack for the boys this morning. Kiri was beside me, knocking magnets off the refrigerator. Up in the cabinet I found a cookie package with one lone cookie left inside. Wanting to throw out the package in order to save some cupboard space, I pulled out the cookie and handed it to Kiri. Of course, Liam chose just that moment to appear around the corner.

Liam: “Mommy! Mom—-Kiri what do you have? OH!! Mommy! How come he has a cookie and I don’t?”

Me (watching Liam reach for the cookie): “Well, there was-”

Kiri: “Me! Mine! ME!!!!”

Liam: “I’m bigger! Mine!”

Me: “Boys, if you fight over-”

Kiri (as Liam steals the cookie): “MOMMY!!! Yee-Yee!”

And Kiri burst into tears. Liam had the cookie halfway to his mouth when Kiri grabbed the cookie. Liam tugged back, and the cookie flew through the air and fell to the floor. Casey pounced on it. Casey ate it. As you can see, Casey is quite an experienced pro when it comes to extracting food from toddlers.

Both Boys: “Mommy! Casey!”

Kiri (in tears): “Mommy! ME’S COOK-COOK! No Yee-Yee’s! No Casey’s! Me’s cookah! EAT!!!”

Liam (in tears): “CASEY ATE OUR COOKIE!!!”

Me: “He ate ‘our cookie’? I thought each if you thought it was your cookie.”

Liam: “I guess Casey thought that if we were fighting over it, then it was his cookie.”

Me: ‘I guess so…”

Kiri (opening the pantry door and pulling out a package of chocolate chips): “Me MAKE! Mo’ cookahs!”

Liam: “Can we make cookies, Mommy?”

Me (laughing): “That would seem to be the best solution.”

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Thank you all for humoring me and reading my sons’ verbal exploits. These two, they keep me laughing!